Seedlings of Hope
It has been a long past few days for me at home. One of the most challenging moments of my life presented itself just two days ago for my family. My son, at the tender age of fifteen, attempted suicide.
As parents we spend our child's entire lives nurturing and caring for them as if they are a gift to the world, because they are. Maybe we consider we are biased in feeling so, but the truth is- every single life that exists on this earth is a gift and is precious in a way we can't fully understand.
A higher power was in charge of my entire October 26, 2015, as it is every other day on the calendar. Most days we can't see it at work, and maybe it takes something scary or tragic to notice it, but it's always there.
This past Monday, I had proof of miracles at work.
My son has recently moved into that teenage land where relationships with girls take center stage. He is a young man who longs for a close, romantic relationship in his life and although he is still very young I am proud of the way he pursues what is important to him. Like everyone else, he will improve at chasing his dreams as he attempts and fails, but keeps trying with hope.
Recently one of his attempts at a loving relationship came to a crashing halt as most young love tends to do. We who have been there as young adults understand the learning process that takes place as we try on adulthood and it doesn't quite fit yet. We don't get what we can do to fix things. We are confused when others aren't as ready as we are. We spend a lot of time judging ourselves harshly and telling ourselves we aren't worthy. The young adult stage of life is one of the most complicated and complex phases we will ever pass through. If we don't have the right skills to cope with the let downs of life it's very easy to feel alone and unloved and want temporary painful moments to stop.
On Monday afternoon, after school, my son seemed in better spirits than he had been the previous night. We spoke a little. I asked how he was, and he claimed he was better.
Thirty minutes later I heard a loud thump that told me someone was in my unfinished storage shed- that is annoyingly, but amazingly being built so close to my bedroom that I can hear every footfall that takes place inside of it through the walls of my home.
I found the noise to be one of the greatest blessings I may ever experience, as without it I would have never found a life to be saved.
I hesitate to describe what I found, but I feel it is necessary to understand the series of events that led me to see this day as miraculous.
He had fashioned a noose and tied it from the rafters of the shed frame. Now I am not completely clear on what took place once he tied that rope, I only know what I experienced once I discovered just how much better he really hadn't been.
I have four children, one is currently in college, but luckily two of the others were home and not out at various school functions and extra-curricular activities as usual.
My older son was right on my heels running to the scene to help and my youngest daughter was inside searching frantically for a cell phone that had slipped inside the cushions of the couch, so she could call 911.
We lifted his unconscious body, struggling to stand him up and at that moment I was having a dual struggle; physically and mentally, because my mind kept insisting I was too late. I fought that with all my will as we found the strength to hoist him up so the rope was no longer cutting off his oxygen.
He began to snort air, but we still hadn't managed to get him out of immediate danger.
My daughter came to say she couldn't find the phone and I urged her to get a knife to cut the rope. She moved quickly. We tell her now, that she was a super hero because she was instrumental in saving her brother's life.
We managed to work together, giving it all we had and somehow my son was alive and regaining consciousness. He was breathing! He was alert. He was trying to speak and he was making sense.
As the person who initially gave him life you can imagine my elation at seeing him coming back to us.
Last Monday may be one of the best days of my life because my child lived. He got a second chance, as if he were reborn to experience all life has to offer. He nearly lost that opportunity, if not for all that had to take place to get him back.
So many things could have been different. I could have been in another room where the noise wouldn't have been heard. My other kids could have been away. My daughter could have been too short to reach the rope. He could have had his air cut off just thirty seconds longer.
This higher power took all of the energy of that moment and controlled the small things surrounding it so that we could get him to a place where he can learn how to handle the lows of life in a better way.
I have been able to say nothing but how grateful I am for having him alive, undamaged and on his way to being healthier.
We all experience tragedies in this life. We can either become a victim to them or learn to see the sprout of hope emerging from the manure.
I don't see it yet, but I am certain that one day soon I will see even more miraculous circumstances about that day. How it leads him to be something, all of us to be something we were not going to become without that miracle infused moment.
Without going through challenges, the manure of life, we won't spring forth stronger and more capable of seeing how important we can really be to the world. Every life born to this planet is here for a reason and is priceless.
Learn to see the seedlings of hope in every situation and you will learn to face challenges that will empower you.
